Sons and Daughters Month - Jackie's story

Sons and Daughters Month celebrates the difference that birth children make in fostering. Whether they're still young and living at home or have already flown the nest, having an extended family that care about your foster children makes a massive difference to their well-being and sense of belonging.

Jackie has been fostering with St Christopher's in the West Midlands for four and a half years. Her youngest son, Josh, still lives at home with Jackie and her foster daughter.

I’ve been fostering for four and a half years and have looked after the same young person, A, for the entire time. It’s gone really quickly and A has now started college.

My son Josh is 19 and still lives at home – my other children are older and have moved out. some even have children of their own now. He’s always been very laidback and never had any worries about fostering as my sister had been doing it for many years. He knew children that she had previously fostered and understood what it would be like.

I had a few discussions with all of my children, not just Josh, throughout the application process. They knew they could tell me if they had any doubts and that I wouldn’t go ahead with fostering unless they were completely happy.

A was challenging at the start. Everyone thought that she would be eager to leave as soon as she turned 16 but it hasn’t been like that at all, and I think that’s down to making her feel included in our lives.

At first it was hard for me and Josh to adjust. There are lots of new rules when you start fostering about not going in other children’s rooms and they must be stuck to. A had made a few allegations in the past against boys so safeguarding my son was a main priority.

When she moved in with me it was the first time A had lived with just one foster carer instead of a couple. It’s made her realise that not every child lives with both their parents. She saw that my son Josh relies on only me and I think it’s made her think differently about foster care.

My older son is a teacher and always advises A on problems at school and helps her with homework. I think she really benefits from knowing our whole family is behind her and gets a lot out of the extra support.

A always refers to Josh and my other children as her brothers and sisters. She is part of our family, she comes out for meals with us and goes to all our events. My birth children involve A in everything – and why wouldn’t they? I don’t think she would’ve minded being the only child in the house, but when she is treated like all of the others it does help her to feel more at home.

Fostering hasn’t changed my relationships with my children, but it has opened our eyes. When you have your own children you think you’ve seen it all but you really haven’t. It’s a learning experience.

Josh is thinking of moving out now so another foster child might be coming to live with me. I’m treating the topic with A the same way I did with my birth children – asking her if she would be OK with it and not going ahead with it if she has concerns. She was set against it at first but she’s starting to ask more questions now about what the person would be like and how old they would be, so she might come round when she’s older!

Would you like to make a difference to a child's life? Visit our website today to find out about fostering in your area.

Sons and Daughters Month - Linda's story

Sons and Daughters Month celebrates the difference that birth children make in fostering. Whether they're still young and living at home or have already flown the nest, having an extended family that care about your foster children makes a massive difference to their well-being and sense of belonging.

Linda fosters with St Christopher's in the West Midlands. The support she's received from her own children has had a great impact on the young people she fosters.

Linda with St Christopher's Trustee Bert

I’ve been fostering for three and half years and for most of this time I’ve been looking after a sibling group of three. 

My birth children are all grown up aged 30, 33 and 35 and they’ve all got children of their own too. When we told them we were thinking about fostering they were all for it and thought it was a great idea.

Initially we were a bit worried about how our grandchildren would react but they totally accepted it and call our foster children their cousins. They spend every Saturday together as they’re roughly the same age and the two oldest ones both go to the same school.

I am particularly close to my oldest granddaughter who I had looked after a lot since she was a baby so I did wonder how she would behave when she saw me caring for another child. We discussed the idea of fostering with her throughout the whole application process and brought her along to buy all the things we’d need.

She was staying with us when our very first foster children arrived and instantly put the them at ease by giving them a tour of our house. Having someone there on their level definitely made a difference!

The first time my son met our current foster children was on a big family day out. They all got on really well and it was a completely natural transition.

Our middle foster child has had a really difficult time, but our oldest daughter has really taken her under her wing and tells her she will help as much as possible.

I think that having my family on board gives my foster children a feeling of acceptance. They send them birthday cards saying “brother” or “sister” on the front without us asking them to.

Fostering is normal for the whole family. I think if you can be relaxed about it then that’s half the battle – children can sense when you’re not being genuine and they’ll call you out on it.

That doesn’t mean it hasn’t been a learning experience. Children’s needs change all the time when they’re growing up so all of us have to adapt too. I learn something new every day and it’s really important for foster carers to be able to take constructive criticism on board and take direction if you’re doing something wrong.

Since we started fostering my family has knitted together and become more of a unit. They've adapted really well to the changes we've had to make to become a foster family and have never wavered in their support.

If my own children were a bit younger I would probably have worried about jealousy. However, we treat them all on an equal keel. There’s no “us versus them” because we’re all part of the “us”, in spite of the big age difference. We want everyone in our family to feel valued because they truly are.

Are you interested in fostering? Visit our website now to find out more.