Teaching my foster child to trust

St Christopher’s foster carer Rachel shares how she has built up trust with her foster children, in particular the oldest of the three siblings.

I have three siblings living with me at the moment. The oldest is very protective and is more like a mum to them then a sister. Before they came to live with me they were left on their own a lot and she had to take care of them. She felt responsible for them.

One of the things I did was open up to her. I was almost like a friend to her, something that I gradually built up over time, sharing more information about myself. I didn’t take all of the responsibility of looking after her brothers away from her straightaway, but instead tried to replace looking after her brothers with fun things any child should be doing.

I also made sure she had time away from them, playing games in another room or doing her own thing, so that she would realise that they would be OK with me. I would protect them and look after them.
 

You also have to make an effort to talk to them on their level, so they feel they can open up to you. So when she was speaking or talking about things that interest her I would encourage her, be interested and keep up a conversation. I really want all three of them to be able to speak their mind. They are all very talkative now.

I don’t spoil her, but I’ve made sure that she’s been able to do the things she wants. Like when she first came to live with me she wanted to go on a school trip and I sorted it. She has her own DVD player and Barbies, stuff that will make her childhood fun. The biggest difference for her is giving her a chance to be a child rather than acting like an adult.

She’s very intelligent. English is their second language and she loves craft activities. I make sure we have time to be creative together. She is less protective of her brothers now when they are with me. She doesn’t have to be there every time I speak to them. She trusts me to look after them. The boys listen to her like a mother, so seeing her more relaxed around me has put them at ease.

To find out more about fostering with St Christopher’s please visit our website.