Moving on

This week Doreen, a foster carer from Essex with more than 10 years experience will be sharing what it is like to see a foster child move on.

When the children we care for move on to independence we can sit back and take pride in all the hard work we have put in to make sure they achieve and survive as independent adult, saying adult for a 16 or 17 year old may make you laugh, but reality is they are encouraged to move on at such a young age.

Their excitement and eagerness is always there and even when I am asked to help pack their bags with them, a lump will stick in my throat as I smile and graciously nod. As soon as they know where they are going they will talk endlessly referring to the place they have called home as ‘this dump’ and how they can‘t wait to get away from here.

Being a professional we don’t take this as criticism or personal, it is just them expressing their thoughts and ideas of having a much better place to go. After all, they can always do better than the adult that has cared for them over the years, or so they believe.

I have moved a 17 year old boy who as above was keen to go to shared accommodation . He was told in the November, a week after his birthday, that there was a room for him if he wanted it. Naturally at that age he was excited at the prospect and his social worker suggested he could move in within four weeks. I was not so keen at such a quick decision. I highlighted my concerns and asked if we could at least wait until after Christmas and New Year. The social worker was considering every day in between but I was not prepared to disrupt Christmas, New Year, or my own birthday with a move of home.

We eventually agreed 4 January and the date was set. I was asked if I would take my foster child and his belongings, which by now was a huge amount, to the new home. I arranged a van as he wanted to take his chest of drawers, bike and other large items. When we arrived at the home on the day, nobody was there to meet us. After a number of calls someone arrived to let us in and show us his room. After setting to unpack we wished him well said our goodbyes and left.

I called to check on him frequently and after a week he said he didn’t like it there and wanted to come back. I suggested he speak to his social worker, but I knew they would say no, which they did, saying he had to move forwards not backwards. Over time he became withdrawn despite regular visits back to our home.

His birth brother saw the change in him and set out to help him. It has been five years now and he has stayed in touch by phone and attends all our family parties or events whenever he can. His now settled and has a family of his own. I am known to his children as nanny.