Never say goodbye, just see you later

In Connie’s latest post she shares her experience of moving a foster child on, staying in touch and always being at the end of the phone.

My teenage boy moved on (sobbing) for pastures new some two years ago and I cannot begin to emphasise how priceless it is to keep in touch. I will try.

He was my first placement and with me for four years. 

Over the years we had all the laughs, tears and a whole lot of fun times. He was certainly a character and everyone loved him.

Then came the time when he returned home at 16, as he was doing so well.  

He was distraught and wanted to stay but couldn’t. I had a big party for him and his friends before he left and he loved it.

After letting him know that he wouldn’t be forgotten just because he wasn’t in the house, and a heart wrenching farewell, we vowed to stay in touch.

We have, and over the couple of years it has been invaluable to him. Anytime he has worries, concerns or good news he phones me and shares with me. I offer my advice where necessary plus lots of praise on his achievements.  

He still lives up to the principles instilled in him during his time here and looks to make me proud. His family also call me at times to have a word with him if they are worried about anything and we have the talk. 

I went to his sister’s wedding with him and we had a lovely day. All his family stressed how the time away from home changed him and the fact that we keep in touch keeps him on the straight and narrow.   

If we had we cut ties this would have had a negative impact on him and affected his whole future. 
He still sees our house as his home and is at the moment here on a few days holiday. He loves it here and still feels part of the family.

I have asked him for his opinion on keeping in touch and he says "please do it as we are family".

I also look after a teenage boy who has moved here from another placement and a temporary placement.  Both sets of carers keep in touch with him and are very kind and considerate to him...you know who you are!  This is really important. Ithas a positive effect on him to know they care. Many thanks to you.

Another recent child has moved from a placement (from another agency) where he was for many years and they do not keep in touch. This has left him wondering why and feeling a bit let down. He says the daughter there would have had her baby now and the son would be 18 and he would still like to be part of it.  

This affects confidence and brings anger issues. I am working through them with him at the moment and he is responding.

He calls this his home now which shows that he is feeling settled and secure. 

If contact with previous carer does not happen then the child needs to know they are secure in their new placement and that you can give them the love and nurturing they require through the good and equally the difficult times.

My last words and the most important message of all:  Keep in touch.